The Parable of the Deviled Eggs

My three-month-old nephew received an infant blessing by his father at church this Sunday.   This is a special opportunity within my church for families to come together and celebrate little ones.  Most often, the family will meet afterwards for a brunch.  I had a plethora of eggs leftover from our pancake breakfast fundraiser so I offered, somewhat short-sightedly I guess, to make deviled eggs for the brunch. 

I've cooked perfectly respectable hard-boiled eggs in the past so I wasn't expecting much difficulty.  I thought I might even doll them up a bit, for the special occasion.  This could reflect something similar to what I had in mind:

Instead, for whatever reason, my cooking/peeling efforts were falling short of my heighty expectations.  The whites were looking more like this:

Whaaaa???  This will not do, I told myself.  I explored different options.  I read the recommendations of supposed experts in the field of cooking.  I did what I felt I could, but each batch were coming out "awful" (by my standards, at least) and I got frustrated.  After a couple hours I threw in the towel and told my family I would be bringing lemon squares instead.  I felt my humble eggs would be an embarrassment to an otherwise polished breakfast buffet.   

My husband, aware of my frustration, sweetly offered to bake the lemon squares.  What a kind and thoughtful gesture!  I leashed Cooper, threw a coat on Chloe and took them on an evening walk while Ryan took his turn working in the kitchen.  

The next morning I went to plate the lemon squares and couldn't get them out of the pan.  Ryan must have forgotten to spray the tin before packing in the crust layer.  That (or an overnight in the fridge) made the plating effort futile.  

GREAT!!! I thought.  Grrrrr.  Now my plan B would look more pitiful than my plan A.  I had nothing presentable to bring and the brunch was starting in a matter of minutes.  For a half of a second I considered staying home.  I didn't want to show up with nothing to contribute after promising to help.  However, I recognized that my presence and support would mean a lot more to our hosts than the food I could bring, so I made a quick decision.  

I let go of my pride and brought the best of what I had to offer...the deviled eggs, no matter how hammered the whites were.  I couldn't garnish them up the way I had intended because of the lack of time, but I brought a respectable presentation...and it truly was the best I could give under the circumstances.

Braced for (maybe a little) judgement - "Who fails at boiling eggs Tanya?", a well-meaning chuckle or two, or the potential of bringing home a still-full tray of eggs (because noone would want them), I placed them on the buffet table and a prayer was said on the food.  

I had accepted whatever was going to happen.  I was happy, however, to see that people actually enjoyed my eggs and ate the lions share of them, in spite of their meager appearance.  It had been a complete non-issue and my frustration was for nothing.  My best effort had been accepted and nothing more was expected.  I could put my troubled mind to rest.

Why do we do these things to ourselves?  We exaggerate the significance of truly unimportant issues in life.  We expect more of ourselves than what is asked or reasonable and then imagine that expectation is owned by others.  We brace for judgments, forgetting that those who truly matter see us with love.  If we DO fail at something significant, we go to dark places and imagine our situation is hopeless.  This is not God's way, it is NOT what he would want for us, and we need to understand that any correction given by our loving Father comes with encouragement and renews hope within ourselves.  

There will be a time when each of us is given the opportunity to reach a state of perfection through the atonement.  It is impossible without the Lord, and will come only after our earthly journey is complete.  For now, we need to remember that God will only ever expect our best effort...regardless of how insignificant is appears to us.  If our intentions are good and we are on a righteous path, it doesn't much matter were we stand on it.  

Jeffrey R Holland's talk from our most recent General Conference resonates the truth of this principle:

"Brothers and sisters, every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living. If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we are not hypocrites; we are human. May we refuse to let our own mortal follies, and the inevitable shortcomings of even the best men and women around us, make us cynical about the truths of the gospel, the truthfulness of the Church, our hope for our future, or the possibility of godliness. If we persevere, then somewhere in eternity our refinement will be finished and complete—which is the New Testament meaning of perfection."

For more from Elder Holland, follow this link: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/10/be-ye-therefore-perfect-eventually?lang=eng

Don't allow Satan to convince you that your best efforts have failed you, God or others; as I did with my ironically named "deviled eggs".  Hold your head high.  Heavenly Father knows your heart.  He loves you and celebrates even your most minute successes.  They are all triumphs to He who knows and loves you most.  God never expects more than we can give and rewards every effort.  I really do believe this.  I hope you will too. 

The Big Apple

In recent anticipation of this trip, I couldn't decide whether it was coming at a horrible time (with my moms passing) or an optimal one.  But the reservations were made, the fees were paid, and one way or another it looked like it would be happening.  I'm glad it did.  It was a welcome distraction from the heaviness of the last month and sent me home stronger, better prepared to face the future.

We left the SLC airport at midnight, hoping to sleep on the plane before hitting the ground running at 6:20am in New York City, but the sleeping part didn't come very easily for any of us.  My travel companions on this trip were Ryan (of course), Shantele, Josh, Tami and Richard.  Chloe got to stay with her grandpa and with her aunt/uncle/cousins on a rotating schedule.  NYC isn't the ideal place for a busy, roaming toddler, we decided...particularly when considering the pace we anticipated keeping this trip.  She was in excellent hands but still, I missed her terribly.  From here on out, I may need to reevaluate the types of vacations we take so that she can come along. :)

I was the designated tour guide as I was the only person to have visited NYC before.  I was surprised at the changes made from my last visit, or at least my memory of them.  Our first stop (not counting McDonalds) after dropping off our luggage at Marriott was the Rockefeller Center, and more specifically, the Top of the Rock Observation Deck.

I had never been up there before and have to say that I enjoyed the view from its skyscraper more than that of the empire state building.  There is glass instead of a chain-link fence so you get more unobstructed pictures; it is less crowded; has a neater elevator; and overlooks the empire state bldg which is a grand icon of the city...why wouldn't you want it in the picture?!  
We ran into so many dutch visitors, all dressed in traditional attire, and even saw a beautiful bride and groom getting pictures up there.

I think being up there excited everyone for what they would be experiencing over the coming week!  Note to self for next time: that building has lots of mouth-watering restaurants inside.  I should check one out next time.  We then dropped down to the main floor, saw their Christmas Tree's crowning ornament, the crystal star on display in a fancy jewelry store...

...and came out of the building right in front of St. Patrick's Cathedral.  I couldn't have planned that any better because I really had no idea which exit we were coming out from.

We took pictures then went inside the cathedral.  Man, that church is epicly large and breathtaking.  We sat in the pughs for a while, resting and looking about.

Shale lit a candle and then we were on our way to ride some bikes...but not before taking a second to explore Rockefeller square and the legostore.  They also had a fancy chocolate store ($30+ a chocolate...gag) that actually gave me some ideas for future visit-teaching gifts.

We rode our bikes through Central Park, which I had hoped would be a relaxing experience.  The people at the bike shop thought two hours would be sufficient to see all the well-known sites at the park.  They were wrong.  There is soooo much more there that I want to explore, but I guess that allows for another visit!  Nevertheless, we petaled as fast as we could to see what we could.  Another thing we didn't know before reaching the park is that there is very little road you can actually petal your bikes through.  They have so much more "walking only" trails than biking trails.  The bikes could really only travel a big ONE WAY (gag me) loop, with maybe a couple cross overs.  Ryan and I ultimately pressed our luck by pedaling the wrong way on the wide one way street to ensure we saw the most important things on our list.  Our group didn't dare follow after being yelled at by a few strangers, so we had to separate, but he and I soldiered on until we saw a police officer and HAD to pull off onto a walking trail, walking our bikes.  We carried them up stairs and rough walkways to a castle we wanted to visit...which we ended up revisiting another day as it turns out...but we didn't know that was going to happen, haha.  It was fun being a little rebellious.  In a pant, we got our bikes back within minutes of our deadline, and we were all super exhausted.  

A Sore Loss

Heaven has never gleamed as bright as it does now.

My mother, Julie Ann (Jeppesen) Hawkins passed away on September 4, 2016, unexpectedly of a heart attack.  She was 64.  Words really cannot convey what a mother brings to her child's life (biological or otherwise).  That has never seemed as clear as it does now that I have to face the idea of carrying on without her, at least for a time.

My mother always gave 150% of herself to raising and supporting her husband and children, it shows in us,  and I will herald her example and her memory as long as I live.  She is sorely missed but I know I will see her again.  Families are eternal, and so is God's plan for them.  God be with you until we meet again.  I love you Mom!

Below is a link to her obituary:
Julie Ann Hawkins Obituary

Thanks to all that have reaching out in support of our family during this difficult time.  We feel the strength of your prayers, and are grateful for your gestures of kindness and love.

The 4th, Family & Flaming Gorge

The Stephens family escaped with us to Manilla over the 4th of July this year, and it was one of the happiest weekends of my summer!  I loved sharing our place with them, and we made some fun, new memories!  The pictures tell it all, I think, so I'll leave to them to do the talking this time.  

Let's Go Jazz!

Dustin was able to snag tickets to the Jazz vs. Houston Rockets game and invited us along!  The two teams we equally matched so it made for an entertaining night.  I love close games!  It was nice being able to bring Chloe along and I think I can safely say she had a great time!  She loved having her own seat (which I had to hold down while she sat - and stood - on it).

She loved the music, enormous screens and the energy of the fans!  She enjoyed seeing her cousins and clapping with the crowd (even when the Rockets scored a point).  And probably most of all, she enjoyed the string of drinking fountains we visited during the 3rd quarter when she was getting a little antsy.

I loved the family time, introducing Chloe to something new, and the cuddles I got as Chloe was winding down during the fourth quarter.  The Jazz bear was fun to watch.  At one point, he took a plastic sled and flew headfirst down the stairs of the lower bowl.  I can't believe he managed it!  And the Jazz played well, so that was fun!  The game went into overtime and the kids were all past their bedtime so we watched the final minutes in the hallway so we could be among the first to our cars.  The Jazz won!!  Thanks for Dustin, Shar, and Zions Bank for a great night!

Selfie-made Smiles

MaKenzie's baptism!

  

We were fortunate enough to be present for our niece's baptism this Saturday.  

I have always called her my bestest litle buddy, but she is growing out of that label all too quickly!

It was wonderful to have the family there and to get reacquainted with Dustin's family members.

Our diva

We are so proud of MaKenzie for the decision she has made to get baptized and know if will bring her great happiness, peace and direction in life.  She is quite the young lady!!!  Back at home, I asked her how she felt about receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost and loved her response..."Well, it doesn't seem all that different because, you know, it's (meaning the Spirit) here (at her home)."  What a wonderful thing to be able to say, and a great tribute to the efforts of her parents in making their home a place where the spirit will always reside.

Happy First Anniversary Chloe!

Families are Forever! It was a year ago today that we dressed our Chloe in white and had her sealed to us in a beautiful, emotional, forever-memorable temple ceremony! Everyone there will remember Chloe's laser focus on the sealer as he said the words that made her a part of our eternal family. I am so grateful for the blessings of the temple, the miracle of adoption, and that God and Chloe's birthmother entrusted us with this remarkable little angel.

Provo City Center Temple Open House

My mom shared the idea to visit the Provo City Center Temple Open House and initially I wasn't very enthusiastic.  It seemed like it would be a long drive, we've visited a few open houses recently, and I was already driving to Midway earlier in the week so two trips out that far did not seem fun.

Still, I knew mom would appreciate the visit, I knew it would be a beautiful temple and I ultimately decided it would be quality time with two of the ladies I love most -- my mom and Chloe. 

And...just to sweeten the pot, I decided that I would add more justification to the trip by stopping by IKEA on the way home.  Haha!  

I am glad we went.  Chloe looked adorable in her petticoat and plastic footies!  It was so fun watching her shuffle around with that iconic smile.  Something in Chloe's eyes told me she really appreciated the experience and the spirit that was there.  The temple was remarkably beautiful. Definitely a favorite, so much so that I'm contemplating sealing our next child to us in this temple.

The artwork in the creation room sent my heart a-flutter.  LOVE LOVE LOVE those colors together and I appreciate the talent of those who put their entire hearts into this project.  I read an article about them.  Their philosophy was always, "Is it good enough for who it is for?"  If that doesn't suggest the quality of their work and the degree of effort they must have put in, I don't know what more to say of it.

After the walkthrough we visited Los Hermanos, a family favorite from previous vacations in the area.  Chloe didn't love it as much, but she has reached that magical age where being restrained to a high chair or booster is akin to being locked in the cellar.

I was able to make my trip to IKEA and take mom to BB&B, which she loves.  It was a wonderful day.

Midway's Ice Castles

My sister has been eager to visit Midway's Ice Castles for a few years now and was especially determined to place her plans into action this year.  I, coincidentally, had toyed with the idea last year but the weather was too warm to warrant anything spectacular and they were only open for 3 days.  Tami and Richard have been wanting to see the their grandchildren enjoy the ice castles for a couple years now and my dad liked the idea when he heard about our plans this year.  Shale is dating Alysse, who was interested, and Josh was too.  So, in short, the group just kept growing!  The downside was that Ryan got called into some work for his calling and wasn't feeling his best so he opted not to come.  We had two extra tickets and managed to sell them off to two of the strangers that ended up in the shot above, along with their 3 family members.  And Elsa & Anna, well, they live in and love ice castles so that makes sense!  I wish Chloe was a little older so she could appreciate the opportunity she had to meet 2 Disney Princesses!  

We arrived after weathering a nasty snowstorm through Parleys canyon.  The happy news was that there wasn't an ounce of wind or snow at our final destination!  It was cold, don't get me wrong, but super tolerable with the layers we brought for ourselves and Chloe.  She looked like an adorable eskimo and got lots of ohs and awes from strangers!  

We got some fun pictures, enjoyed the stalagtites and tunnels and especially enjoyed the ice slide!  It was super fast!  Chloe got really tired of feeling confined by the end of the night but was happy to cuddle in the car, where she could shed some layers and wrap herself in one of her favorite blankets.  

I loved the carride and castles, and the time with loved ones!

How to Keep a Toddler Happy at her Dr's Appointment...

Chloe is a smart cookie and as such, remembers the faces of those that poke her with needles, so the minute we walk into the door of the pediatric clinic she starts crying.  The poor dear, I remember doing the same thing all through my growing up years.  What I didn't know is how a child's emotional pain afflicts parents just as much, if not more!  My poor mother, haha!  

I was determined to distract her and was prompted with an excellent idea!  I pulled out my phone, flipped to the selfie camera, and started making faces.  It wasn't long before Chloe's tears turned into quaint smiles, chuckles and then roaring laughter!  I love being a mom, and knowing I have the power to shape my daughters mind and attitude.  I am grateful to be able to soothe her as only a mother can.  We had the best time and captured some precious pictures that I will treasure forever.  

Parenting is a huge, all-encompassing responsibility and keeping Chloe healthy, well-fed, and growing is an enormous part of that.   We believe in immunizations and the benefits of health care.  We love Chloe's kind-natured doctor and the clinic we belong to.  They have 24hr care for those gut-wrenching emergencies and are so wise to trust a mother's intuition and to work WITH us to make sure that Chloe stays healthy and happy.  

She is growing well and sure gets her fill during meal times!  We love our little gobble-monster!  There's hardly a meal out there that she doesn't love!  It's sometimes sad to see that she is growing up so quickly but we are grateful beyond all means that she's growing in a healthy way if she has to at all!  

Merry Christmas

We are so excited for this holiday season!  Chloe is finally old enough to open her gifts and show enthusiasm with what she gets!  Spoil alert Chloe...she is getting a Little People Nativity Set, princess tent and Frozen camping chair!  I know for a fact she will love all of it!

The other GREAT thing about this holiday season is that the Allens (Ryan's sister and brother-in-law) have moved back to Utah with their 2 girls, MaKenzie and Alisha.  I am thrilled for Chloe to have an opportunity to get to know her cousins better!  Spending this Christmas together as a family will be a real treat!

I am so grateful for the Saviors life, for his service and example to mankind and for his death, which promises us a life ever after...one that promises happiness, forgiveness of sin, and eternal strands that link us to those we love.  I hope you all enjoy your holidays and this Christmas card!

Church Meetings are Awesome

I hope my friend, Chris Taylor, doesn't mind that I single him out in my blog but last Sunday I was very touched by a lesson he gave in our Sunday School meeting at church.  Asked on the sudden to share a message with the group, he bravely stood and shared a gospel study that had recently left an impression on him.  He blew me away with the Spirit in that lesson and I felt the desire to reinvigorate my scripture study so that I always have a beautiful, powerful testimony building experience to pull from the rafters of my mind in a crunch!

His message came from 2 Kings 18-19 and I'll do my best no to butcher it.

In this chapter Hezekiah is king of Judah and he is a righteous and god-fearing man.  Verse 6 of chapter 18 says something I find beautiful, that "he clave to the Lord, and departed not from following him, but kept his commandments, which the Lord commanded Moses."

Above Judah was Samaria (of Isreal) and Assyria.  Shalmaneser was king of Assyria at the time.

Assyria invaded Isreal (who at the time were not doing well to obey the word of the Lord as was taught to them by Moses)  and assimilated Isreal unto its own, stomping out the religion and culture of the people by spreading them throughout their lands and forcing them to worship as the Assyrians.

The Assyrians then came to the borders of Judah and being fearful, Hezekiah sent to Shalmaneser a plea for mercy, offering the king any price to spare his people.  The king appointed a debt of 300 talents of silver and 30 talents of gold.  In order to pay this debt, Hezekiah had to ransack the temple, cutting away from its doors and inner contents.  Doing this act shows that Hezekiah was so worried for the safety of his people that he was willing to do pretty much anything, even at the cost of destroying his God's temple, to appease the King of Assyria.  It is apparent that he was experiencing a crisis of faith. I think we are often subject to this same way of thinking.  A trial or conflict comes, and we immediately resort to all we know we can do to solve the problem ourselves, without relying on God to help us.  It isn't an odd concept, it humanizes Hezekiah, and helps me to understand the magnitude of his fear. 

Soon after they receive this gold and silver, a representative of Assyria approaches the walls of Jerusalem and calls out to the Jews, saying "Hear the word of the great king, the king of Assyria:  Let not Hezekiah deceive you: for he shall not be able to deliver you out of his hand.  Neither let Hezekiah make you trust in the Lord, saying the Lord will surely deliver us, and this city shall not be delivered into the hand of the king of Assyria."

He then asked of the Jews whether the Gods of Isreal had spared them from the Assyrian armies.  Where were the Gods of Gozan, and Haran, and Rezeph, and the children of Eden?  Where were the kings of Hamath, Arpad Sephavaim, Hena and Ivah?  All these had been destroyed by the Assyrians.  Then the people are invited to join the Assyrians, as slaves more or less.

Hezekiah hears of all that is being said, and is, again, fearful.  But this time, instead of offering money and trying to resolve this predicament on his own, he makes a more faith-based decision and sends his servants to the prophet Isaiah.

Chris then paused and helped us to imagine the headspace of Hezekiah at this moment.  He is a good man, even a righteous man, who has been placed in an impossible situation.  He must have felt a tremendous amount of guilt during the time he was disassembling his God's temple, but he was feeling desperate and afraid.  He ultimately realizes there is nothing he can do to stop this threat except to rely on his God, and probably is thinking he should have done this in the first place...he had a repentant spirit, in other words.  He must have approached his God in a very humbled way after all he had done. 

Isaiah responds to Hezekiah's servants, sending back a message that "Thus saith the Lord, Be not afraid of the words which thou hast heard, with which the servants of the king of Assyria have blasphemed me.  Behold, I will send a blast upon him, and he shall hear a rumour, and shall return to his own land; and I will cause him to fall by the sword in his own land."  When Hezekiah hears Isaiah's words, he prays in the temple.  He finally puts his faith forward.

The impressions that then come upon his heart had a profound effect on me.

The Gods of those people who were defeated by the Assyrians were nothing but the working of man's hands, and not the true God of this earth.  They could not rely in whom they had trusted because those Gods were not real.  I thought of the things to come in our time, of all that is manifesting already in the world today, and thought of our great need to have faith in the true and everlasting God.

The Lord tells that He will defend and protect Jerusalem, and that is shall be saved.
And that night, while all are asleep, the Lord sends an ANGEL (an UNSEEN POWER) to the camp of Assyrians and smote an hundred fourscore and five thousand.  When the Jews of Jerusalem awoke the next morning, they saw that this threatening legion was nothing but a collection of corpses.

Concluding the story, all the prophesy of Isaiah was fulfilled.  The king learned of the demise of his armies, returned to Nineveh, and was later killed by his own sons.

How could anyone have anticipated this type of help?  If they were thinking practically and logistically, their odds of survival were slim to none.  How could they defeat such a massive army with their small number?  Where was their help to come from?  Still, the Lord provided help where help was needed.  And I need to trust that regardless of the circumstances that come upon me in life, no matter my mistakes and missteps, or how bleak the outcomes of my problems may seem, that the Lord is limitless...and that he CAN send SEEN AND UNSEEN FORCES to protect and shield me from all that threatens me and my family if I am repentant, faithful, and TRUST IN HIM MORE THAN MYSELF.  I need to have faith and work now to be deserving of that kind of protection.   I am grateful that this Gospel reminds me where I can put my trust and that the Spirit whispers to my heart the truth of the things I learn.

I'm grateful that the intended teacher of that week didn't show and that Chris was able to share the ponderings of his heart with us.  I was touched and the spirit was strong amongst all in the room.  This was truly one of the most edifying church meetings I've experienced over the past few months.  I am so grateful I was there to hear it and that Chloe cooperated so that I could.   

How was I so productive?

Super Productive Day, but how?

When i look at the list of all i accomplished today i have to wonder how it was all possible? Chloe has been sick and while she's been very well behaved and patient today, I'm still surprised i was able to do as much as I did but im also grateful.

I finished cutting and painting/stencil & sponge painting 3 grinch frames for the ward party
I put away all the christmas, halloween and thanksgiving totes/contents that were out of place.
I finished making decorations for the tree and put them in place
I decorated my windows and outside.
I kept Chloe happy, hydrated and fed. We had eggs and ham for breakfast and spaghetti with homemade meatballs for dinner.
I wrapped the remainder of the christmas presents
I wrote and delivered my visiting teaching messages for November
I created and ordered our Christmas cards for this year
I renewed my library book
I danced with Chloe to christmas music
I dropped in to say a quick hello to richard, since the family just got back from California
I called to confirm my worktime tomorrow
I tidied the office and office bathroom
I did a load of laundry
I took a bath

Yay for super productive days! And thanks to Heavenly Father for giving me the energy necessary to accomplish that much!

Cornbellys

We visited Thanksgiving Point's Cornbellys this Autumn with Tanya's sister and had a blast!

Any fun the adults had was eclipsed by the joy Chloe experienced roaming the park freely, exploring the mazes, houses, and tunnels and riding the slides!  I think Ryan found himself most excited about the apple blasters and Tanya was pretty enthusiastic about the mexican grilled corn!  

Something really cool happened about an hour in.  A family had purchased the all-access pass that enables you to do some extra activities that the base pass doesn't cover...this includes a zipline, train ride, apple blasters, snowcones, etc.  They offered their wristbands to us at no charge and we were able to do a good share of the remaining activities it allowed.  How cool were they for sharing their passes with us?!  It was definitely heartwarming and I appreciate them for it.  Those are experiences that leave you committed to pay-it-forward.  I LOVE COOL PEOPLE.

So glad that my sister was able to share the day with us.  She is the best aunt to Chloe and an even better sibling to me!

Secret Talents

I've long known it but I'm not sure the world has.

Ryan has a very creative mind and lots of great input when it comes to decisions about decorating our home and the like.  It wasn't at all surprising to me that he was able to formulate an excellent plan for creating a hoverboard to celebrate Back to the Future this year!  With his father and brothers help, he was able to create an awesome representation of the real thing!  

Is This Real Life?!!!!

Today I stand in awe of miracles.

A miracle is a welcome event that cannot be explained by science and thus is generally attributed to some divine agency.  My life has been full of these 'welcome events' and each one of them causes me to turn in gratitude to a loving Heavenly Father.  Each day I know He walks with us and leads us toward good things.  The greatest miracle to take place in my life has been becoming a mother through adoption.  This event was not a single miracle, but a galaxy of little mercies that worked together for our good.

Here are just a few:
The miracle of being born to my family in the time and place I was chosen to come here.
The miracle of coping with infertility and finding true healing.
The miracle of finding and marrying a man who loves me enough to walk this path with me.
The miracle of coming to know a friend, who ultimately facilitated the bridge between us and Chloe's birth family.  
The miracle of finding an emotional connection as strangers and knowing, through the spirit, that she could trust us with the life and well-being of the person she loves most in the world.   
The miracle of finalizing this adoption just as our agency was closing its doors on facilitating adoptions.  Chloe's court date was our caseworker's VERY LAST finalization hearing. 
The miracle of her healthy delivery.
The miracle of courage her birth mother had to demonstrate in signing relinquishment papers.
The miracle of becoming a mother in every truest sense, when it was physically impossible.
The miracle of having family and friends who support adoption and provided overwhelming support for Chloe as she joined our family.   She is showered with love at every turn.
The miracle of being filled with a greater love than I ever thought was possible.
The miracle of temple sealings and priesthood power that bind us eternally as a family.
The miracle of parenting this beautiful, intelligent, strong, healthy, incredible little girl and knowing she will be in our lives forever.  
And then, of course, are the many unseen miracles of which I have not learned. 
These miracles show me once and for all that God loves me and is over all.

And of Chloe's birthmother, who I have been thinking of the entire day...

I met her only twice and yet I love her more than words can say.  She gave me only one gift and yet I am eternally in her debt.  I know so little about her passions, ambitions and achievements and yet she sits on a pedestal and I aspire to be the type of person I know her to be.

Happy Mothers Day to the woman whose loving choice to place her daughter for adoption has illuminated my life and infused it with such joy as I have never known.  She has singularly helped me achieve the impossible and progress in my life mission.  I credit her for every lesson I learn from motherhood, for every christlike attribute that being a parent affords me.  I am learning so much from being a mom and it is all because of her.  Chloe's birthmother has provided me the source of the greatest meaning my life has known.  Every time my daughter makes me smile or laugh I have her to thank for it.  Chloe is my world and her birthmother brought her into it.  I am forever changed and better because of her confidence in us and her immeasurable love for her little girl.

I want to thank her for being the mother her daughter needed her to be.  I want to thank her for being the mother I needed her to be in order to become one myself.  I could do no better than to teach our daughter to love, honor and emulate her for the type of individual she is...one who loves first and loves most.

You can't imagine the many moments I have spent thinking of her.  Some nights as I watch her sleeping in my arms, I tear up for the sacrifices I know she has made.  I hug Chloe tighter and kiss her more often for her birthmother. When I imagine life without this perfect baby I cringe and ask God to bless and uphold her birthmother.  I ask Him to send her every righteous desire of her heart, every reward on earth and in heaven for blessing my life with so much good.  If there is ever a dream in her heart I pray she sees that it is realized in some way.  I hope she knows she is not forgotten in this home...in our lives.  I imagine her heart must be stinging more acutely today and I can only say that I do believe that all our losses will be made up.

Dear Birthmother, you are loved by Heavenly Father and will be blessed for choosing adoption for Chloe. I hope you are finding peace and happiness.  Thank you for all you have given us.  We love you truly and always have a door open for you.  Happy Mothers Day.  

Learning our Colors

Yogurt and food coloring make for lots of fun at our house!!! Chloe was more interested in using her body as a canvas than the sheet i laid down for her!