Can I just say how much Paper Route -- Blew Me Away -- tonight??? How is it that this band was never on my radar?! Well, there's an album I'll be purchasing tomorrow. They are honestly right in league with the greats...OneRepublic and Coldplay -- my personal favorites. Ironically, OneRepublic has to repeatedly express that Coldplay does not inspire their music, but it all sounds like melarchy to me. (What does "melarchy" mean, really? Nonsense? FYI -- That was my context. Where did that word come from? When did people start using it? Hmm...). Back on point, OneRepublic may not give tribute to Coldplay for their sound (which I think is kinda ridiculous), but holy moley they seem to be two threads of the same blouse to me...which is why I love them both.
Moving away from that, I've gotta say how grateful I am for music. Tonight's concert lifted me out of a little slump I've been feeling today. It's really kind of a magical thing. I love how music can be so uplifting and edifying, and how it gives expression to the things I'm feeling.
I'm certain I owe most of my "out-of-sortness" to my recent all night blog fest, but there's something else there that took me a second to realize. While driving to pick up some Costa Vida, it hit me how little attention I gave to the fact that 12 hours earlier I had bore the deepest parts of my soul to the world wide web.
There were years where I felt inside pressures to keep my infertility a secret from the world. It was a deep insecurity for me, and I felt like less of a person because of it. Telling close friends sent me into tears and any time I brought it up it made for a heavy evening. After serving a mission at a temple visitor center, I learned that sharing my story could be a great blessing to others. After marrying Ryan, the days of fearing the reaction of boys I cared about were far behind me...and for that I am grateful. Today, I find it a healthy thing to share my story with others. I tell it with a genuine smile because I see nothing but the great blessings that come from it. Still, putting it out there for strangers, for any boy I've ever dated or been interested in, or for those of my past whom I might not have always had fond feelings for (not to say that there are many)...I can understand now why, subconsciously, this weighed down on me.
I'm grateful that my desires for a family have brought me to this place, where I have come to terms with my loss and where I'm free from the guilt and sorrow that came from my infertility. Those heavy feelings plagued me a long time, but those days are over. I'm so excited to adopt...I can hardly stand it. I'm so excited to be a mother and to share my life with my baby.
Switchfoot was good...Paper Route was better...being lifted out of my slump was the best. Thanks for a great evening, Music and Family!!! I better sleep now before I welcome back a fatique-induced slump for another day.
Some of the pics are sideways and upside down...maybe Ill fix this sometime.
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